peel him off the cieling

Gas can cause a variety of reactions.  The reaction typically depends on 1) whose gas is it   2) who is within 10 ft of the emission  3) how audible is it  4) how long does the blowhorn sound off.  and 5) is there enough left in the tank for an encore.

Have you ever experienced the ‘cubicle fart’, preferably your own.  That one turns from a relief to embarrassment and nervousness when someone walks up to talk about something. 

As a manager, I’ve unfortunately been exposed to the ‘performance assessment’ fart, the ‘interview’fart, and the ‘just stopping by to chat (and fart)’ fart.  In every case, my reaction has been the same – keep a straight face, maintain eye contact, and pray that the scent is passive, and doesn’t linger long.

I contrast that to the reaction to my 2yr old, who I could sell at a novelty store as a fart machine.  Obama should be looking to him and his peers for alternative energy.  The best is when they squeak out while he’s sound asleep.  His favorite time to let loose is when his diaper is being changed.  We laugh, and then he laughs, and then he does it again.  This routine continues until his tank is empty.  He puts his hands in the air, and says “all gone”.

Another classic is the ‘urinal’ fart.  The sound of the constant stream is paused for a brief moment while being interupted by a noise from behind.  I was in the bathroom at a movie theater, and I heard a noise.  I felt compelled to respond with a word of encouragement.  So a simple “Nice One.” came out of my mouth.  The individual responded with a hesitant word of gratitude “Thanks”.  I’ll admit that this was a not a shining moment in my life.  Neither was the time that I let out a “WOW” in response to an out of control machine gun blast coming from the stall next to me.  But it happens. 

My mom used to be very against audible gas.  If it ever happened in her presence she would have a look of disdain on her face.  One night during a family game of Phase 10 all that changed.  I am proud to receive the credit for changing her outlook on the whole thing.  A noise came out of me, and my mom’s countenance immediately went to a place of disdain.  However, when the noise continued for the next 15 seconds (most likely a personal record – take some time to count to 15, and you will agree that this was a phenomenal accomplishment) my mom couldn’t help but begin to laugh.  Everyone else laughed as well.  Then my brothers attempted to outdo my life changing fart.  They were unsuccessful, but they did have some ‘nice ones’.  From that day forward, audible farting has been an acceptable practice in our home.   

Gas can cause a variety of reactions.  Try it and see for yourself.